Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Family traditions

Sorry for the blogging break! We've been getting ready for a new baby at our house and enjoying celebrating the holidays. I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas! We sure did!

Our family has so many traditions during Christmas and of course, they've changed and evolved over the years as things have changed and people have gotten older. One of my favorite family traditions has always been getting together with my dad's side of the family on Christmas Eve. We have an awesome, fun, goofy, crazy family who likes to eat and laugh and talk together. Last year, both of my grandparents passed away--my grandfather the week before Christmas--and we just couldn't get it together. My immediate family--my mom, dad, sister, husband, and son--did our own thing at mom and dad's house, but naturally, it wasn't the same. This year, my aunt and uncle decided we should get together at their house and celebrate. We had a great time, and  even though it's not the same without granny and grandad, we all had a wonderful time together.

You know, things change, people leave, but the most important things stay the same. Grandad always insisted that we read the Christmas story either before or after opening presents. When one of my cousins was older, grandad started having him read. We would all gather around in the living room, grandad with his arm around my cousin Matthew as he read the story of the first Christmas. This year, after we opened presents, there was a sudden hush as Matthew settled the Bible with his son Andrew on the couch and said, "Andrew is going to read the Christmas story." We all listened intently to the passage we've heard over and over. I'm sure grandad was proud--as he should be--that his tradition of sharing his faith with his family, will continue to be passed on.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Eating good in the neighborhood

What is it about children? Or is it just mine? When Kade was little, he would eat any kind of veggie you gave him. I made carrot purees, squash, and peas and he loved them. He would eat green beans, asparagus, chicken....almost anything. Then, he got picky. First, it was just meat. Then, it was a lot of vegetables. Now, it's almost all vegetables (Though he does love Olive Garden salads. Who doesn't?!) He loves bread, of course, and sweets, bananas, sometimes apples, peanut butter, pretzels, and milk. That's almost the extent of it. So, I decided to try this.

Green smoothies. Looks a little bit gross doesn't it? When I first heard of green smoothies, I thought, 'That sounds really healthy, but no way can you not taste the greens. Yuck.' Then, I got desperate to get some good food into the boy.

I bought some fruit and a bag of baby spinach. For this smoothie, I cut up a whole apple, stuck in half of a banana, a handful of spinach, and around 3/4 cup of water. I tasted it first and was surprised. I asked Kade if he wanted some juice (I didn't lie. That's what it is.) and he got all excited because we don't buy a lot of juice, but he loves juice.

 This was his first drink. He said, "Good duce."

After he finished the first cup, he asked me for "mo duce". I had poured myself the rest and was drinking it, so I gave him some of mine. He drank that, too, and got very upset when I told him it was all gone. Don't worry, he's not on a juice fast. He's currently eating a bagel with peanut butter.

He doesn't even know he's drinking SPINACH (or maybe he does and doesn't care because it tastes so good)! I did drink half a glass and it was good, but I'm not as good as Kade about posting my picture on the internet when I'm in my pajamas and my hair isn't fixed yet. Ha!

Thursday, October 6, 2011


I'm a "get 'er done" type of person (I think that's the first time I've actually used that phrase, though). Even when I'm tired and whining and complaining about being tired, I get up and I get things done. Pregnancy is tough sometimes. You can't do a lot of big things you wish you could do and the things you can do, you're too exhausted to do.

For example, there's a lot to do around my house right now. My bedroom is in the process of being painted, my kitchen is almost finished, but still needs some trim work, baseboard is waiting to be cut and put in our bedroom, and the baby's room, a baby's room to clean up and decorate--plus all the normal things. Now, I'm not doing the baseboard (mostly because I don't know how to work the saw or the nail gun thingy) and Michael has painted our bedroom, but I feel like I should do everything else, since I'm home all day. Every day, when he leaves for work, my husband says, "Please rest today" and I say, "Yeah, yeah, I will." Then, when he's good and gone, I spend the day doing things like laundry and rearranging furniture. By afternoon, I am beyond tuckered out.

So, Kade has decided for the last couple of weeks that he doesn't want to go to bed easily anymore. He screams for daddy and mommy and we get him and let him lay in our bed. He won't lay still, so we put him back in his and repeat the cycle all over again until he's so tired, that he falls asleep somewhere. Last night, he happened to fall asleep in our bed and when I woke up this morning, Michael was getting ready to put him in his bed before he left for work. I told him to just leave him with me. It's now after 9 am and he's still snoozing away beside me, his feet propped up on my legs. I don't want to get up and disturb him, so I've just been laying here relaxing, reading the Bible, and surfing the web. I've been forced to rest.

Lying here, thinking about it, God told us to rest. He said if we were tired, we should come to Him and rest. He said He would take our burdens. Being lazy and resting are two different things (though sometimes it's hard for me to feel like there's a difference between the two). It's ok to rest--not only physically, but mentally. In fact, rest is a necessity. If we don't rest occasionally, we will eventually burn out from complete exhaustion. I need to realize that I don't have to shoulder everything--around my house or in my mind.

Thursday, September 29, 2011


Today would have been my Mamaw Bea's 86th birthday. Now, I'm not one of those people who remembers the birthday of everyone I've ever known who's ever passed away. I do have a few exceptions, though. Plus, I want to tell my children about their Mamaw Bea one day, and sometimes, over time, the little things leave your mind.

I'm pretty sure I got my love of food from my Mamaw (a blessing and a curse!).  A lot of my memories of her include food. When I was little, my favorite snack at her house was apple slices, sliced cheese, and Tang. She would take us for chicken little sandwiches at KFC (remember those?!). She baked amazing banana nut bread and made the best fudge ever! On Christmas Eve, we always had a huge breakfast spread at her house--biscuits, gravy, bacon, sausage, eggs, jellies, jams, and every kind of sweet you can imagine. She also made the best soup beans (with a hunk of fatback), cornbread, and fried taters. Mmmm!

Mamaw was a character. She loved to talk--about Southern Gospel music, angels (of which she had a HUGE collection), Jesus.....actually about anything. She also liked to argue and was fun to get riled up. My aunts used to compete to see who could get her the most hyped up. She never met a stranger and wanted everyone to call her Mom.

One of the most amazing things about Mamaw is that she only went to school until 6th grade, but she was a gifted writer and poet and one of her favorite things to do was read. She had an enormous collection of books (she belonged to a lot of book clubs) and she wanted us to love books, too. I have many, many books from her and she wrote long messages in the fronts of all of them, which makes them all the more special.

She liked to shop and dance and wear nice clothes. And collect things. She could sniff out a Goodwill anywhere. She gave me my first copy of "Little Women" (one of my favorite books EVER). She liked to get takeout Chinese. If she had ever had a cell phone, she would have run the bill out the roof. The first thing she wanted you to know about her is that she loved God. She was fearless and bold. She loved Michael like another grandson, but she always told him that if he hurt me, she would tear him apart--and she would have! She was so multi-faceted.

We miss her, but in a non-cliche way, I know she's in a better place. I'm sure heaven is getting a kick out of her. We love you, Mamaw! Happy Birthday!

Wednesday, September 28, 2011


How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news, who proclaim peace, who bring good tidings, who proclaim salvation, who say to Zion, "Your God reigns!"
--Isaiah 52:7 (NIV)

These are the tiny feet of our son! Yes, we are having a boy. Another boy, I mean! Of course, God knew that this baby was a boy all along, but we were quite surprised. He probably got a good chuckle out of all the pink we were buying, though. 
When I was pregnant with Kade (before we found out he was a boy), I secretly hoped he was a girl. I grew up with a sister and am a girl myself (duh), and I knew nothing about boys or sons or brothers. I was still overjoyed when we found out he was a boy, but actually having and raising a son (so far) has been the best. Kade is momma's boy. He is cuddly and snuggly and loves to give me kisses. I know that part won't last for forever, but from what I hear, sons are loving and protective of their mommas. Having another son--well, that's just the icing on the cake. Brothers! And to all those people who keep saying, "You can try for a girl next time!" (and then snickering because they think I would say no to another child)--Sure! Or maybe we'll end up with three sons. Who knows! My only prayer is that all of my children have "beautiful feet", in the words of Isaiah 52:7.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011


I was just watching THIS video, and it reinforced something I've been thinking about lately--mediocrity. Merriam Webster defines the word "mediocre" as of moderate or low quality, value, ability, or performance: ordinary, so-so. If you're at the top of the game in your relationship with God, your marriage, your parenting, your job--whatever it is--good for you! However, all too often, we settle. We settle for just getting by. For low quality. For ordinary. I'll quickly admit that I have been less than mediocre in my walk with God lately. I haven't read my Bible every day or spent quiet time. Many times, the only prayer time I've had is over our meals. Believe it or not, as a Christ follower, when I get lazy in my walk with God, it spills over into all of the other areas of my life. I'm tired of it. It makes me feel yuck. I feel like I'm just treading water without ever getting anywhere new.

Think about it. Even if you're not a Christian, I betcha that at least once a year you make a resolution to change something about yourself and your life. I also betcha that 90% of the time, you make the same resolution year after year. I do! Either you're going to eat healthier, exercise more, save more money, etc., etc. Same story every time. You start out good for a week, maybe even several months. Then, you get lazy. You get comfortable. You despise yourself for being so complacent, and the cycle starts again.

 What is it about our society that makes us embrace mediocrity? As a former teacher, I've seen more than my share of students who just want to get by. They don't want to be valedictorians. They don't even want to be on the honor roll. They just want to pass (and some not even that). Then, they either go to college or out into the work force and learn a huge lesson or totally bomb out. Where do you think they learn that kind of attitude? There's a whole generation (not every single person of course) who sits around thinking, Yeah. Whatever. Why does this matter? because no one is teaching them any different.

God has called us to do and be so many things--and He has equipped us for the journey. He's given us His Word, He's given us His Spirit, and He made us to excel in this life. We have no excuse for mediocrity. I don't know about you, but I don't want to be ordinary. I don't want to just get by. As my high school youth pastor used to say, I don't want to just survive; I want to thrive! We were created for so much more than plain ol' normal.

Don't be mediocre. Be extraordinary!

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Sugar and spice and everything nice

So, as I mentioned a few posts down, all signs point to this baby being a girl. We're thrilled! We would have been excited either way, but this adds a new level of excitement since it's something totally different. If you have a boy, you know the feeling of letdown when you go somewhere to shop and see the two racks of boys' clothes next to the ten racks of girls clothes. We've bought Kade the cute miniature Air Jordans and the Baby Gap outfits, but it's just a different kind of cute than headbands and bows. The grand total so far? Three pairs of girl themed leg warmers, a pink swaddler, a pink and white flowered gown, and a pink baby wrap carrier. Oh, and I have a pack of crocheted headbands sitting in my Etsy cart. (don't worry about Kade. He didn't get left out. He just didn't get anything pink)

Honestly, though, when I started thinking about having a daughter, I got kind of nervous. Kade and I have a pretty easy going relationship (except when he tries to bounce on my belly at night before bed) and I imagine it probably won't ever be too strained. The worst I can imagine with Kade is, "Don't drive your car so fast and pick up your room!" Mothers and daughters, though--a lot more complex. I have never figured out if it's the two female dynamic or if Satan just doesn't want women to get along. Probably both. I want to be a mother my daughter can talk to and wants to talk to. I don't really know how to foster that type of relationship, except through plenty of prayer and just being open. I don't know. Y'all pray for me, because I know this will be a whole different journey.

Right now, just let me dream of pink and zebra print, ok? Oh, and sweet, little Addison.

Monday, August 29, 2011

God Says "Yes!" to His Promises

Michael and I are leading our Sunday School class right now while my friend, Tracy, who usually leads the class, is preparing to have a baby in October. Yesterday, our study was about having a 'yes' home--saying yes to our children as much as we can. For example, saying, "Yes, I'll play with you" even though we're tired after a long day or "Yes, you can have friends over to spend the night", even though the house isn't spic and span. I will admit that this is a hard thing to do. Often, I find myself saying, 'no' all day long.

"No, don't touch that! No, I can't play with you right now! No, you can't have anymore ice cream. No, you can't take the dirty clothes out of the hamper! No, I can't pick you up right now!"

No, no, no, no, NO!

Of course, we can't say, "Yes, you can play in the middle of the road" or "Yes, you can stay out until 3 A.M." We can't always say, "Yes, you can have that new toy at Wal-Mart." We still have the responsibility of looking out for our children's best interests and keeping them safe.

I'm reminded of 2 Corinthians 1:20--"For no matter how many promises God has made, they are “Yes” in Christ. And so through him the “Amen” is spoken by us to the glory of God." God made us tons of promises in the Bible:

1)Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be open to you.
2)He'll supply your needs
3)He'll never leave you nor forsake you
4)He gives rest to the rest to the weary.
5)His strength is perfect in your weakness.

So, if you say, "God, please provide for me. I don't know what I'm going to do," He'll provide.
If you say, "God, please hold my hand. I feel so alone right now," He'll be right there.
If you say, "God, please forgive my sins," He'll do it.
If you say, "God renew my strength. I don't know how I'm going to face another day," He'll lift you up.

Ask Him for any of those things and His answer is a resounding, 'YES!'

Now, here's where we sometimes get confused. All my life, I've heard people say, "If you want something, just pray for it, and God will give it to you." What they don't always explain is that God will give you things you ask for that are in His will--not just any and every request we make.  Just like a child, we sometimes think we should get a 'yes' answer to whatever we ask. We even throw toddler tantrums. Yep, I've done it before.

Read the verse again. God says 'yes' to His promises. He doesn't say 'yes' to every request we make. Sure, sometimes, he might make a way for you to get that brand new X-box you wanted, but if He doesn't--don't think he didn't hear you. Be assured, if you ask for anything that He has promised in His Word, you will receive it. And if it doesn't happen when you want it to happen, don't take that as a 'no'. It's most likely a 'not right now', and just like children, we have almost as hard of a time hearing 'wait' as we do 'no'.

Bottom line: Read the Word. God has promised you many, many more 'yeses' than 'no's'. And that's a promise.

It's a New Day

This morning, as I dragged myself jumped out of bed, I thought of all the things I needed to do--wash the sheets, finish painting my kitchen, start dinner in the crockpot, etc., etc., while keeping a 2 year old entertained. Plus, I'm out of coffee, all my lessons for the day got cancelled, and I'm pretty sure we will not have everything ready for a new baby, in, oh, four and a half months.

Then, I thought of what I could be doing. I don't mean that in a "na na na na boo boo" way, but this is the life I wanted and I am undeservedly blessed enough to be able to live it.
All those days when I looked longingly out the window, wishing I was with my baby and home--this is it. I'm not going to wish that, grumble that, or work that away.

Hello, Monday! Welcome to our world!

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Bits and pieces

All is well at our house. I have pregnancy brain and can't focus on anything, hence the blog break. Kade turned 2 at the beginning of the month and had a big birthday weekend. He went to watch the new Winnie the Pooh movie at the drive in the night before his birthday, where he ate a grilled cheese sandwich and French fries and bounced around in the backseat of the car. On his actual birthday, we took him to the zoo for the first time. He liked the animals, but I think his favorite part was meeting up with his friend, Rachel, and petting the goats, riding the carousel, and sliding down slides.

Then, we ate dinner at one of my favorite places (since I kind of play a big part in his birthday, too)--The Apple Barn. I wish I had a picture of the delicious apple fritters they serve before the meal, with apple butter to dip them in. Mmmmm.....anyways, I digress. Kade enjoyed some yummy macaroni and cheese and a huge sugar cookie for dessert.
Sunday, after church, we had a small family party with Toy Story decor. He received many new toys to add to his growing collection and then we went swimming. Two suits him. He says something new everyday and is usually in a good mood, unless I try to get him to come in from outside.

In other news, a nice lady from our church, whom I have known all my life, did an ultrasound for us last Friday and informed us that we are having a girl in January. We have always said, "Wouldn't it be nice to have a boy and then a girl, so that she would have a protective older brother?", not to mention the excitement over new PINK clothes buying! I was shopping some online sales earlier and bought her some tiny pairs of cute, pink leg warmers, since she'll be arriving in the middle of winter. My mom told me that I have to buy Kade something for everything I get the baby, so I got him some dinosaur socks and monster leg warmers. LOL! We think we have the name picked out, but I'll wait a little longer to announce it.

Michael is busy with work and youth pastoring and fathering and husbanding (is that even a word?) we're trying to build up the youth program and do some fun things. One of my favorite youth activities is Resurrection, which is the Methodist church's annual youth conference. Unfortunately, it falls the week before my due date. We're praying that the baby doesn't come while Michael is gone, or he will be hoofing it back home.

Oh, and we're painting our kitchen, have 2 or 3 others rooms to paint, baseboard to put down, and a nursery to fix. Busy, busy.

I just finished editing a book written by my friend, Julie, called "Birth Right". It's a book about pregnancy--the progress baby makes each week of the pregnancy, what to expect, common questions, prayers to pray over your baby, a scripture for each week, and much more. It comes out in November, but you can preorder it on Amazon.com HERE.

Well, it's nap time at our house, so I'm going to get some rest while I can. I'll get back to regular blogging soon, I hope.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Two years, too fast

Two years ago today, I became a mommy.

Two years of fun, joy, blessings, occasional frustration, life changing moments, hugs, kisses, soul searching, and more love than I could ever imagine.

How could just two years yield this--the smartest, most handsome, sweetest boy I've ever known.

Kade, you are such a blessing to daddy and me. You have changed our lives forever and we love you SO, so much.

Happy Birthday, sweet boy.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

The Lasts

One of my favorite authors is Karen Kingsbury.  She writes mainly Christian fiction, but she also has a couple of children's books, one of which is called "Let Me Hold You Longer". Remember the children's book, "I'll Love You Forever"? Well, this one has the same effect. I cannot read it without sobbing.

Usually, we celebrate all the firsts in our children's lives, but this book is about their lasts. Often, we don't even recognize the lasts in our children's lives--the last time we rock them to sleep, their last bottle, their last little league game...you get the picture. Often, the lasts pass us by without us realizing they will never happen again.

Well, this is the last week of Kade being one. I refuse to think of him as being two until Saturday--and I may deny it then. It's hard to believe that almost two years have passed since we met him in person for the very first time. He has brought so much joy into our lives and I cannot imagine our life without him.

Lasts are sad (to me anyways), so to distract from this looming milestone, I'll show you some pictures of a first--Kade's first time at the beach last week!

Friday, June 24, 2011

Baby :)

We had our ultrasound yesterday, so I have a picture, but it's not very good quality, because I took it from the awesome video they gave us! Long story short, my doctor's office tried to cancel my ultrasound appointment for the second time and my incredible husband called and got them to get us an appointment at the hospital, which turned out to be a major blessing in disguise. The lady who did the ultrasound took a lot more time than the ultrasound doctor who did our first ultrasound with Kade. It was amazing!

Our baby, measuring 9 weeks, 5 days, kicked its arms and legs and wiggled. It had a little heart that was very clearly pulsing and beating at 176 bpm in its chest. We saw the umbilical cord, and even the blood rushing through the cord from my body to the baby's.

 We showed it to our parents and when my dad saw it, he said, "How could anyone ever say that THAT is not a baby?"


Friday, June 17, 2011

New Things...

Well, I was hoping to have a picture to go with this post, but that sort of got postponed. Oh well, you can use your imagination.

There have been lots of new things going on in our family lately. Michael is now the new youth pastor at our church, we had to buy a new car (he drives over an hour to work each way, and his car finally died), and-- sometime, early next year, we will be having a new baby in our house!

I am a little over 8 weeks pregnant and I was supposed to have an ultrasound on Tuesday, but it got moved.  Everything seems to be going ok in there, though. I am sick, tired, and oh, did I mention sick? It's fine, though!  Every bit of nausea serves to remind me that there really is a baby in there! Thank you, Jesus!

So, in just a few months, we will be a family of four--which has to be fun, right? I grew up in a family of four! We're looking forward to all the fun things we will do together--and all the other awesome, new things God has in store for us!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011


I've been learning a lot about submitting to God this week. As I've probably mentioned before (and wrote a whole draft for a book about this subject), I like to be in control.  I like to know what's going to happen, when.  I don't like surprises--even good ones.  Ask my husband.  I beg for information about my Christmas and birthday presents for weeks beforehand.  I can't stand for someone to know something that I don't.

So, this whole lesson on submission started on Sunday. I went to the altar to pray and someone I have known for practically my whole life came up and laid her hands on my shoulders. When I stood up, she said, "God wants you to lift your hands and accept the blessing He has for you." I said, "Ok," but I pretty much thought, "Pssht, I will lift my hands when I want to." I walked to my seat, and something inside of me said, "Leah! What is wrong with you? God told you to lift your hands and He would give you a blessing. Why would you not?" So, I lifted them.  There are different ways of raising your hands to God.  You can raise them in praise, thanking Him for simply being God or you can raise them in submission, giving Him control over your life. I raised them in submission.

I'll save what happened after that for a later time, but I've dealt with submission the rest of the week so far. I can't control what's going on in my life. I don't want to live in fear. So, I decided to dive into the Word.  I've kept praise music on constantly.  I've read my devotional.  I've read the Bible.  I've prayed.  I've raised my hands.  What else can I do?  I dislike not knowing the future, but through submitting to God, I can at least have some peace.

Many people don't like the word "submission."  Just quickly looking up a definition, it is listed as, "To yield or surrender oneself to the will or authority of another."  I think, as humans, we immediately think, "I am not letting someone else tell me what to do!" When you love someone though, when you trust someone, and know that they have your best interests at heart (which God does), it's easier to say, "Ok, have Your way in my life. You know best." It's not, "Ok, I'll obey you because you're big and scary and you're going to beat me if I don't do what you say." Submitting is obedience and respect out of deep love that goes both ways.  True love.  Not some warped sense of love and commitment.

We can't control everything.  We can't control a lot of things.  We can trust God to take care of them, though.  And that's what I'm doing.  Hands raised high.  I trust You, God.  Do what You will. 

Monday, May 9, 2011

The impact of LIFE

Today is my birthday. I don't feel any older yet.  As always, it will probably take me at least 6 months to remember that I am now 2__ instead of 2__.  It's been a weekend full of celebrating life!

Birthdays are (duh, I know!) a celebration of the day a person was born. They are so much more than that, though. This morning, my sister came over to bring me my birthday present before she went back to college (she got me more k-cups for my coffee maker and some creamer! My favorite!). She said something to Kade about 'it's kind of like your birthday, because it's mommy's birthday.' I gave her one of those crazy looks, like, 'No, it is not!' Later, I started thinking.

If I hadn't have been born today, Kade wouldn't be here. If my husband hadn't have been born, Kade wouldn't be here.  If my parents hadn't chosen to have me, I wouldn't be here.  If my mom hadn't have been born, I wouldn't be here today. If my dad hadn't have been born, I wouldn't be here today. If I hadn't have been born, I wouldn't have the hope of other children, or grandchildren, or great grandchildren.  Really, it's a celebration of everyone--past, present, and future. Call me deep or call me crazy, but that's the way I see it.

So, thank you to my parents, for always believing God would bring me to them. Thank you to my parents-in-law for your son, who was a surprise blessing. Thank you to all of my grandparents for giving life to my parents. And most of all, thank you to God, who is the giver of life and who has given me another birthday.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

It's enough...

Last week, we took our first real family vacation--to Disney world!! We didn't know what to expect, taking a 20 month old, but we had so much fun. One of the best parts was that we got to spend a whole entire week with Daddy! 

As we spent the week basking in the warm sun, riding rides, seeing the Mouse himself, and eating good food, I thought about something quite a bit--the number "3".  I've been pretty down this winter and spring about the fact that there are only 3 of us, that we still have only one child. We've talked about having several children. In fact, we want God to bless us with the children He wants us to have. Of course, I have plenty of time to have more children, but at the moment, it's obvious that Kade is it for right now. 

Anyways, I've been mulling over this for the first part of the year, but last week, when I looked over at my son, sleeping soundly in his daddy's arms, it hit me--he's enough. If I never have another child (and I believe that I will, but if I don't) our family of 3 will be enough for me. We told God that it was up to Him, and sometimes, that may mean 1 or 2 children and sometimes, maybe it means 20. Who knows? We may end up being the family with 20 children (haha--kind of). Whatever our family looks like in the future, it will be enough for me. 

In the meantime, I'm enjoying just the 3 of us--and all the adventures we're having.

3 is a pretty good number....

It's pretty fun being a family of three.

More pictures to come....

Saturday, April 2, 2011

More, more, more

I'm really a pretty selfish person. Yeah, really, I am. And I'm admitting it.

Oh, don't worry. I'm not a selfish mom. Michael and I make sure Kade has everything he needs and more, including our time and attention.

I just mean I'm a selfish person. I make lists all the time of thing I "need" and "want". You should see them; they're pretty ridiculous. A month or so ago, one of the things on my "need" list was "springy wreath for the front door." Seriously? I need a spring wreath for the front door? At the time I'm making these lists, everything seems urgent. Then, later, either something puts it into perspective for me or I just realize how crazy I'm being.

It's important to me that my house looks nice and neat and pretty, but in 50 years, will it matter if I had a new spring wreath or one of those decorative flags for every season? Will it really matter if I didn't have studio pictures taken of Kade every month or every holiday when we have over a million snapshots of him enjoying everyday life? Will it matter that I didn't mop my floor every other day (don't worry, I keep it swept up) or keep all of the weeds out of my flower garden? I don't think it will. I don't think I would regret any of it.

Now, don't get me wrong. I did buy a spring wreath, because I found one on sale, BUT I didn't need it. I don't need most of the things I put on my lists. What I do need, I have--God, a wonderful family, a home, and food in my cupboards. I hope, that in 50 years, my husband remembers how much I loved him and how much I appreciated his hard work for our family. I hope Kade remembers all the fun we had as a family, how much we enjoyed spending time together, and that he grew up in a family who loved God and each other more than anything. Most material things are going to get donated or thrown in the trash eventually.Our memories (until a certain point I guess. Ha!) will last. The things we teach Kade and our other children, God's Word and His salvation, will last. Hopefully, they will be passed down through generations. All of the things that really matter will last.

Sometimes, I need to be reminded of my selfishness so that I can realize what really matters.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Still here!

Hey all! I'm still here!

I've been doing the mommy thing, taking care of the house, and trying to be a good wife. Oh, and teaching piano lessons and leading praise and worship. Not that I haven't had an opportunity to blog, I just have a hard time focusing. When I sit down, my mind goes in a million different directions. I'm trying to get medication straightened out for a thyroid condition, preparing to go on vacation in a couple of weeks, and trying to get motivated to work out.

I have a lot going on.

Spring is springing here--or it was until a cold front came in this weekend. Kade and I have clocked a lot of outside time and I have seen a glimpse of what life will be like this summer. He will not let me sit down for one second. We must be running, sliding, riding, or walking at all times. Daddy (Kade's daddy, my husband) is tilling our vegetable garden when he gets home from work today, so soon, I'm sure there will be dirt digging, too. We also bought a ginormous wooden swingset that I now realize is far too big for our little, less than 2 year-old boy, so I'm sure we will be spending a lot of time making sure he doesn't try to climb to the top and fall down and break a limb. Whew! I'm worn out just thinking about it!

My husband is changing shifts at his job soon, which is one of the best things ever! Right now, he gets home at bedtime, gobbles dinner, and puts Kade to bed. On his new shift, he will be home at dinnertime. We will have time to play and take walks and do bath time with Kade and mow the yard. A couple hours will make a huge difference.

Anyways, to sum it up, life is good. Yeah, there are tough times, but the blessings outweigh the bad. I'll get back to posting on a regular basis soon, hopefully.

I'll leave you with my favorite new song from the Passion CD--Here for You.


Saturday, February 5, 2011

"Kade's Mom"

I have a dear friend who sometimes calls me, "Kade's mom", which I enjoy because, let's face it--at this point in my life, that's a huge part of who I am.

I am many other things, including child of God, wife, daughter, and sister, but mommy is near the top of the list.

As a mommy, there are so many decisions I have to make for my son. I have to decide what routines we will create and when it is time to do certain things. I have to advocate for him because he can't yet advocate for himself.

For example, if I had followed all of the advice Kade's (former) pediatrician gave us, we would have been letting him scream and cry himself to sleep at six months and I would have stopped breastfeeding him at four months (since my milk was making him sick and the only solution was to give him "special" formula).

Instead, I chose to follow my instincts as a mother and do my own research. No, we did not always get to sleep through the night. I didn't expect that, though, when I had my son. You see, I'm not a big fan of convenience parenting. To borrow some words from a friend: "You don't stop being a parent in the middle of the night; You're a parent 24 hours a day, even when your child wakes up every hour!" A baby who is left to CIO is angry, afraid, and alone. They don't go sleep because they have learned to "self soothe". Have you ever cried yourself to sleep? There's nothing "soothing" about it. There are a million reasons a baby might be crying at night, and I doubt any of them are evil. :eyeroll:

As for the formula, Kade appeared to have a milk allergy. His pedi wanted me to immediately stop breastfeeding and switch to formula. I did my research and stopped eating/drinking dairy instead. And guess what? It worked. If I had just listened to the doctor, we would have missed out on 8 more wonderful months of breastfeeding.

I don't care how much you trust your doctor or pediatrician. If my pedi told me that Kade had an ear infection or a cold and it needed to be treated, I would say, "Go ahead!" However, I'm not going to take every.single.thing he/she says as law. I am the mom. Kade is counting on me and I will do my best not to let him down.

The question is--why are people fighting their natural instincts as parents just because of something a doctor said they "should" do? (By the way, I'm not talking about actual serious medical problems or even smaller ones like ear infections, colds, etc.).

Let's see--other things....

Oh, potty training. It almost seems to be a competition between people. Let's see who can potty train the earliest. My favorite response lately is that we just switched to cloth diapers and I plan to get plenty of use out of them first. I mean, I understand that not having to change diapers makes things easier, but goodness, you won't have to change their diapers for the next 60 years of their life. Start slow, and do it when your child shows actual interest in the potty. I can't imagine sitting a 12 month Kade on the potty. He would have been completely clueless. That's more trouble to me than changing a diaper.

Food is another one for me. Kade barely got a taste of anything besides fruits and veggies till he was 10 or 11 months old. Now that he's 18 months old (or will be tomorrow), people seem to think he can eat anything and everything. I don't care for him having treats or tastes of different things, but I seriously limit his intake of junk food. Pop is a big no-no and will be for awhile to come.

Then, there's his spiritual health. I know he doesn't understand everything we say, but we talk about Jesus to and around him a lot. We pray with him. We watch and listen to things that edify his spirit. He doesn't have control over the environments he is placed in and the things he sees and hears, but we do. We want him to be around things and people that affirm our belief and faith in God.

Being a mommy is a tough, but rewarding job. At the end of the day, if you feel that you have done the absolute best for your child (and not just for yourself) with your child's well being in mind, then you have done your job as a parent. Just remember that you are your child's mommy, and no one else.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

I wish I could tell you why...

On November 30, I started writing a post to announce that I was pregnant with baby #2. Two days later, before I was finished typing it up, I had a very early miscarriage. On January 10, I started writing another blog entry (that I was going to post at a later time) announcing that I was once again, pregnant. Three days after that, I began to miscarry again. So that's why, if you didn't already know, all the cryptic talk about going through hard times and believing God anyway.

I don't know why this is happening. Frankly, I don't care, because it wouldn't take away my hurt. I know God will bring something good out of this at some point, but in the here and now--I can't even begin to guess. Reading back over this, I sound really angry. I'm not, though. I'm just sad.

Here are the thoughts of the human, fleshly, physical me:

I am in a funk. I want to spend my time at my house, with my baby (and my hubby, when he's home). I don't want to go out and do things to get my mind off of everything else. I don't even really want to talk on the phone. I want to do what I want to do, and I know that sounds selfish, and it is. That's how I'm dealing, though. Let me deal.

Here are the thoughts of the spiritual me, who is on auto pilot right now:

I know God is on the throne. I know He has a plan even though I don't understand it. I know He hurts when I hurt. I know He loves me.

I wish I could tell you why things happen, but I can't. Someday, we will understand, or maybe, at that point, we won't even care. It would be nice to know on this earth, though...

I'm finding myself at a loss for words....
Word of God, speak.

Thursday, January 6, 2011


Sorry I've been kind of absent lately (I feel like I say that all the time). The last several months have been really tough ones. I hate saying that they've been bad because honestly, I feel like I've been really blessed. I've never experienced anything too that's terrible in the grand scheme of things.

Honestly, things are still kind of rough here. People keep saying, "Just believe...." and I've been believing, but I was thinking about it last night--the word "Believe", that is. People use it a lot. We (not me specifically, but "we" as humans) believe in Santa Claus, God, reincarnation, karma, etc., etc., etc. We believe that there's nothing to believe in. We believe in ourselves.

Anyways, last night I was praying out loud while I was home alone (Kade was visiting Gramma), and I said, "God, I believe....." And then I stopped. What did I believe? I believe in God. Which means what, exactly? That I believe there is a God? Big whoop, right? A lot of people "believe there's a God".

God already knows I believe in Him, that I believe He's there, that I believe He exists.

Then I realized--not only do I need to believe in God, I need to believe God. Very small word change, but it makes a big difference. Do I believe God? Do I believe Him when He says that He has good plans for my life? Do I believe Him when He says he hears my prayers and that He takes care of me. Do I believe every bit of His Word? If I don't believe Him, then I don't truly believe in Him.

It made a big difference in the way I prayed for the situation and it is making a big difference in my outlook today.

Do you just believe in God, or do you truly believe Him?