Tuesday, September 29, 2009

How He Loves Us

So, Sunday morning at church, I sang this song. If you were there, you already heard what I'm about to say. If not, you still might say, "Well, duh!" Either way, I think it's worth repeating.


I never fully understood God's love for us until Kade was born. I mean, I knew God loved us a whole lot. I even remember getting a little upset when I was around 6 or 7 and my mom said, "God loves you even more than we do!" On one hand, I thought, "How can someone love me more than my parents?!" and on the other hand, I thought, "Wow! Someone loves me more than my parents!"

But, like I said, I never fully understood God's love until Kade was born. As soon as I saw him for the first time, I knew that I would do anything for him. I wouldn't ever let anyone lay a hand on him. I would lay my life down for his. I know that's how God feels about his son, too.

However, God loved us so much that he sacrified His only son so that we could live. There's not one person on this earth for whom I would sacrifice my only son. Sorry. If the future of the whole human race depended on me sacrificing my son, I wouldn't do it. I would let every single person die. It sounds kind of terrible when you say it out loud, but I don't think one parent would disagree.

God is God, though, and I am not. His love is incomprehensible. It is overwhelming and awesome and far reaching and everlasting.

He gave up what I could not--because He loves me--so that I could have this wonderful life and a life everlasting.

Thank You, Jesus.

A New Thing: Part II

So, besides God doing a new thing in my heart when it comes to my son, He's also doing it in my marriage. Isn't it funny awesome how, when we let Him, God shows up--not in one part of our life--but in every area.

And sometimes, we have to be completely flat-on-our-face, torn apart, broken down, desperate before He can start knitting us back together. Because really, when we've molded ourselves into what we want to be, he has to start all over to get us where He wants us to be.

Don't get me wrong. We have a happy marriage and I love my husband more than I can ever imagine loving anyone.

But we have had issues, and they came to a head this weekend.

It's not important what they are were. If you know me, don't ask, because it's none of your business it doesn't matter, but before the weekend had started we were both completely flat-on-our-face, torn apart, broken down, desperate in a I-don't-think-I-can-ever-get-past-this kind of way.

Anyone ever heard the song "Sunday's on the Way" by Carman? Well, by Saturday night, God was on his way to restoring what may have been the biggest mess we have EVER faced head on. He did an awesome thing right in our living room. But Sunday morning, he showed up to my husband in a way I have never seen and we have been together for almost 9 years. He was broken at the altar, barely clinging to the rail, crying out to God and he didn't care who saw or what they thought. He just wanted to be free and God spoke very specifically through the man who came to pray for him, releasing him of every single thing that was holding him back from being who he was meant to be. He got to his feet a different person. Different than I have ever seen. All because of God's gift of forgiveness. There's therefore now no condemnation resting on my soul, and that is a good feeling.

That might scare some people, but it is exciting to us. He immediately started revealing things to my husband that He has been revealing to me. I am not perfect, but what started in me is continuing in us. We are now on the same God page.

The past is gone. There is no need to think about it. God is doing a new thing. Even now it is coming to light.

Just watch.

A New Thing: Part I

Remember not the former things,
Neither consider the things of old.
Behold, I am doing a new thing,
Even now it is springing to light.
Do you not perceieve it?

Not that long ago, I was a very happily married English teacher whose favorite pasttime was lounging on the couch with her husband. We spent our money on whatever we wanted and went where we wanted whenever we wished. We planned on having a family someday--two children, preferably a boy and a girl. I would teach during the year and be home with them during the summer. We would be able to provide them with everything they wanted and needed. It would be a perfect life.

Most importantly, we were both Christians. Oh, how great is feels to tell people, "I'm a Christian. I'm saved." We went to church on Sunday morning and played in and led a praise and worship band. Then, we were free to go about our business until the next Sunday. We didn't do anything bad. In fact, we prayed for our meals every evening at dinner.

Life was good.

Then, not that long ago, our lives were turned upsidedown. We had a son. And suddenly, the very moment I saw his face, every idea I'd had about motherhood--and everything else--was gone.

Everything about my life was completely new. Everything is different, but nothing has ever felt so right.

I've never seen myself as very maternal. I don't even know if I'd ever even held a newborn before my son was born. What to do when a baby cries over and over and can't be consoled? Uh....where's his mother? Oh, that's me. Talking to baby in high pitched baby talk voice? Weird.

Suddenly, I'm living for someone else. I'm not catering to my own whims and wants. It's not about me. It's all about him.

It's not about me. It's all about Him.

Sound familiar to anyone? Yeah. It's what I had been singing about all along, but not living. I had become so complacent, so comfortable with my life. It was reaallllly nice, but it feels even better to give it all up.

God is doing a completely new thing in my heart and my life and the life of my family. I won't go into all the details right now, but the ideas I had about my family and children and raising my children are slowly....okay, pretty quickly....flying out the window. If I was me a year ago, I would think I was crazy, but you know what? I've never felt so much joy.

God is doing a new thing.

And I love it.

(to be continued....)