Wednesday, December 30, 2009 vomiting Day!

So, today is mine and Michael's third anniversary! It's hard to believe we've been married for 3 years and even harder to realize it's almost been nine years since we started dating! Happy Anniversary, babe! Thanks for the best nine years of my life!

Why is it "Happy no vomiting Day"? Well, since you asked, this is the first December 30 in 4 years that I haven't thrown up.

Quick history:
-December 30, 2006-Our wedding day. Got married, left for the honeymoon, consummated the marriage, and spent the next 3 days throwing up.
-December 30, 2007-Our first anniversary. Woke up at midnight on December 29 and threw up for the next 3 days. Michael ate his anniversary dinner of a Subway sandwich in the car so the smell wouldn't bother me.
-December 30, 2008-Our second anniversary. 6 weeks pregnant. Everything made me gag. Tried to be a good sport and go out to dinner at Roma's (an Italian restaurant), but had to leave as soon as we got the food.

Which brings us to today, December 30, 2009. I was up until almost 3 with Kade. I think I'm getting a killer sinus infection. We can't really leave Kade to go anywhere, so I'm making a roast for dinner. There will probably be no *ahem* celebration, but......


And for that, I'm eternally grateful!

Happy 3 years sweetheart! I love you forever!

Monday, December 28, 2009

Christmas isn't.......Christmas?

Having a baby makes you think about everything differently...well, maybe not differently, but more. Or at least, it's been that way for me. I don't know if I've matured or if it's those good ol' maternal hormones, but I spend a lot of time brooding over things (not necessarily dark brooding, but just being very thoughtful).

Unless you've had your head stuck in the sand, for the past few years at Christmastime, one of the most controversial topics of conversation/debate is "Happy Holidays" vs. "Merry Christmas". Some stores have gotten rid of any signs/products that say "Christmas" and replaced them with "Holidays". Christmas tree lots have been replaced with "Holiday tree" lots. I had a really tough time finding any "Merry Christmas" cards amidst the "Season's Greetings" and "Happy Holidays" cards while browsing through the 50% off sales yesterday. Schools call the mid-year vacation "Winter Break" instead of "Christmas Break".

Why the controversy? Well, apparently, some of those who don't celebrate Christmas are offended by the word. Plus, when greeting people during the holidays, one wants to encompass all the holidays. You know: Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanzaa, Winter Solstice, etc. Just in case.

Of course, it doesn't matter if Christians are offended by the lack of the word.

Whatever. I will continue to say "Merry Christmas", because whether you believe in Him ot not, I hope He blesses you. Plus, tolerance is so one-sided in this country (I say this country, because I hear that this is not as much of a controversy overseas). Christians must be tolerant of everything: other religions, different sexual orientations, bad language/sexuality on television, false doctrine about our country's origins, etc. The same tolerance is not shown to Christians in return. God forbid Christians judge anyone, but our actions and beliefs are constantly judged.

The latest strand of debate over "Happy Holidays" vs. "Merry Christmas" has me the most disturbed. More than once in the past few weeks, I have heard Christians admonish other Christians for getting upset about the whole "Happy Holidays" shebang. The reason? Oh, there are several:
1. December 25 isn't Christ's real birthday anyways, so why celebrate it as such?
Well, despite its somewhat disturbing pagan origins, Christians have chosen to celebrate
December 25 as Christ's birthday for centuries. Why should we celebrate his death
and not his birth? And what is wrong with celebrating his birth on December 25?
2. Well, the real meaning of Christmas has been ruined by the rest of the world through commercialization, gluttony, etc., so I'll just celebrate it for what the world has made it to be and celebrate Jesus every day.
Well, good for you, and we should celebrate Jesus everyday of the year, but as for
celebrating Christmas without Christ "just because everyone else does", I seem to
remember a verse that says, "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." Plus, you
know, mama always said, "If everyone else jumped off a bridge, would you do it, too?"
3. If I was really going to celebrate Christmas as Jesus' birthday, I would serve the poor, just as Jesus did.
Then, why don't you?
4. Christians should get off their soapboxes about "Happy Holidays" and practice their faith quietly. To do otherwise, would be like the pharisee in Luke 18:10.
The issue about the pharisee in Luke 18:10 is not that he is praying loudly, but that he is
praying loudly about how much better he is than other men. Peter and Paul were not guys
who prayed or talked about God quietly and I'm pretty sure God didn't have a problem
with them.

These are just a few.

If we really believe these things, we have become too complacent! We have given in!

I will be the first to admit that I spend too much time decorating my house, too much money on gifts, and eat way too much food during the Chtmas. I'm sure God is disappointed in the way I spend his birthday celebration. Heck, I'm disappointed in myself for not focusing enough on Him during the year, much less on December 25. That being said, the sanctity of Christmas is still not lowered in my eyes, just because of the way the world (including me) chooses to celebrate it, just as the sanctity of marriage is not lowered in my eyes, jut because of the way the world treats it. Jesus is still the most important part of Christmas. The Nativity is still the centerpiece of Christmas. Christmas is still CHRISTmas to me and to many other people. And that, is why we fight for it. Because we don't care what the world thinks or what the world does.

Sleep in heavenly peace....

Would you want to leave this sweet face for more than two minutes? neither!

Sunday, December 20, 2009

I don't understand Your ways...

I don't understand Your ways,
Oh, but I will give You my soul,
Give You all of my praise.
You hold on to all my pain,
And with it You are pulling me closer
Pulling me into Your ways.

One of my best friends had a miscarriage last night. She had just called me Friday morning to tell me she was expecting and by Saturday night, it was over.

I don't understand. I don't think I ever will.

The good thing is, we don't have to understand God's reasons. We could ponder and study and calculate and read the Bible and never understand God's ways. All we have to do is trust that He has something bigger and better in store.

Will this make the pain any less for her? Probably not.

But I know that someday, she will experience the the sheer joy of being a mommy and all the pain of the past will be worth it.

It's gonna be worth it....I believe this.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Today is the day....

Today, at 12:00, I started my new career! The description sounds awesome: Work from home in your pajamas, no degree or experience needed. On the other hand, the hours are 24/7, it can be extremely messy, and the pay--well, there is no check. I think I'll enjoy it, though.

I had always wanted to come back and teach at my alma mater. I used to drive by during college, and say, "That's going to be my classroom one day" and a year after I graduated, it was.

I never dreamed I'd have a baby at 24. Michael and I had a five year plan. Enjoy being married, buy a house, work for a few years and save, and THEN have a baby. What made me have a change of heart after only a year and a half, I don't know. Ok, I do. It was God who spoke to my heart one summer night and gave me the desire to have a baby. Then, as soon as I saw Kade's sweet face, He gave me the desire to stay at home with my son. It could only have been Him because I have always been adamant that I would never stay at home with my children.

I cried almost every day for weeks after Kade was born, dreading the day I would have to return to work. I knew it was "impossible" for me to stay at home. I wept at the altar every Sunday. I remember the day I had to leave him. I sat in my car in the parking lot at work, and cried, "Jesus! Jesus!" because I didn't know what else to say. Then, I started praying. I realized that if this was what God wanted me to do, he would provide. God is for me; He's not against me. He wants me to have good things.

Amazingly (though I shouldn't be so amazed), my husband was practically handed a new job that could more than provide for our needs--right in time. Funny how amazed we are when God does what we ask Him to do.

Today, I drove away from my "dream job" with no regrets. I sat in the parking lot and thought about how blessed I have been to work there, with wonderful people and (mostly) wonderful students. Now, I start a new chapter in my life with my new dream job!

Thank You, Jesus!

Monday, October 5, 2009

My dads

I have pretty much the best dad in the whole world. Of course, I think almost every daughter probably thinks that about her father, but mine is The Best. Really. He's always there when I need him. Like today for example:

I took Kade to get his 2 month pictures at Wal-Mart. He posed exactly how we wanted him to and looked angelicly at the camera--until the last pose. He was hungry and he was through! I had a bottle with me, but was trying to get him to wait. I sat down as the photographer started to edit and enhance some of the pictures and I tried to jiggle Kade, while getting his bottle together. By now, he was mad! I started to wonder: "How am I going to look at and choose these pictures while feeding this cranky baby?!" My phone had rung a couple of times and when I glanced at it, it was my dad--Kade's poppa. 'I'll call him back later', I thought.

Well, not two mintes later, who walks into the portrait studio but poppa! Was I glad to see him! My dad not only comforted Kade and fed him the rest of his bottle, he helped me pick out the pictures AND paid for the pictures when the network wouldn't process my check and I had forgotten my check card at home. He was a lifesaver!

Could I have made it through the whole ordeal without him? Sure! I would have dealt with Kade, picked out pictures, and gotten cash to pay for them. But, did my dad make it a heck of a lot easier? Yeah!

It's sort of like our heavenly Father. Can we physically make it through this life without Him? Sure we can! Many people do. But does He make it a heck of a lot easier? Yeah! When we think we're at the end of our rope, all we have to do is look up and there He is!

Dads are awesome. And I have the two best dads in the world.

I love You, daddy.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

How He Loves Us

So, Sunday morning at church, I sang this song. If you were there, you already heard what I'm about to say. If not, you still might say, "Well, duh!" Either way, I think it's worth repeating.


I never fully understood God's love for us until Kade was born. I mean, I knew God loved us a whole lot. I even remember getting a little upset when I was around 6 or 7 and my mom said, "God loves you even more than we do!" On one hand, I thought, "How can someone love me more than my parents?!" and on the other hand, I thought, "Wow! Someone loves me more than my parents!"

But, like I said, I never fully understood God's love until Kade was born. As soon as I saw him for the first time, I knew that I would do anything for him. I wouldn't ever let anyone lay a hand on him. I would lay my life down for his. I know that's how God feels about his son, too.

However, God loved us so much that he sacrified His only son so that we could live. There's not one person on this earth for whom I would sacrifice my only son. Sorry. If the future of the whole human race depended on me sacrificing my son, I wouldn't do it. I would let every single person die. It sounds kind of terrible when you say it out loud, but I don't think one parent would disagree.

God is God, though, and I am not. His love is incomprehensible. It is overwhelming and awesome and far reaching and everlasting.

He gave up what I could not--because He loves me--so that I could have this wonderful life and a life everlasting.

Thank You, Jesus.

A New Thing: Part II

So, besides God doing a new thing in my heart when it comes to my son, He's also doing it in my marriage. Isn't it funny awesome how, when we let Him, God shows up--not in one part of our life--but in every area.

And sometimes, we have to be completely flat-on-our-face, torn apart, broken down, desperate before He can start knitting us back together. Because really, when we've molded ourselves into what we want to be, he has to start all over to get us where He wants us to be.

Don't get me wrong. We have a happy marriage and I love my husband more than I can ever imagine loving anyone.

But we have had issues, and they came to a head this weekend.

It's not important what they are were. If you know me, don't ask, because it's none of your business it doesn't matter, but before the weekend had started we were both completely flat-on-our-face, torn apart, broken down, desperate in a I-don't-think-I-can-ever-get-past-this kind of way.

Anyone ever heard the song "Sunday's on the Way" by Carman? Well, by Saturday night, God was on his way to restoring what may have been the biggest mess we have EVER faced head on. He did an awesome thing right in our living room. But Sunday morning, he showed up to my husband in a way I have never seen and we have been together for almost 9 years. He was broken at the altar, barely clinging to the rail, crying out to God and he didn't care who saw or what they thought. He just wanted to be free and God spoke very specifically through the man who came to pray for him, releasing him of every single thing that was holding him back from being who he was meant to be. He got to his feet a different person. Different than I have ever seen. All because of God's gift of forgiveness. There's therefore now no condemnation resting on my soul, and that is a good feeling.

That might scare some people, but it is exciting to us. He immediately started revealing things to my husband that He has been revealing to me. I am not perfect, but what started in me is continuing in us. We are now on the same God page.

The past is gone. There is no need to think about it. God is doing a new thing. Even now it is coming to light.

Just watch.

A New Thing: Part I

Remember not the former things,
Neither consider the things of old.
Behold, I am doing a new thing,
Even now it is springing to light.
Do you not perceieve it?

Not that long ago, I was a very happily married English teacher whose favorite pasttime was lounging on the couch with her husband. We spent our money on whatever we wanted and went where we wanted whenever we wished. We planned on having a family someday--two children, preferably a boy and a girl. I would teach during the year and be home with them during the summer. We would be able to provide them with everything they wanted and needed. It would be a perfect life.

Most importantly, we were both Christians. Oh, how great is feels to tell people, "I'm a Christian. I'm saved." We went to church on Sunday morning and played in and led a praise and worship band. Then, we were free to go about our business until the next Sunday. We didn't do anything bad. In fact, we prayed for our meals every evening at dinner.

Life was good.

Then, not that long ago, our lives were turned upsidedown. We had a son. And suddenly, the very moment I saw his face, every idea I'd had about motherhood--and everything else--was gone.

Everything about my life was completely new. Everything is different, but nothing has ever felt so right.

I've never seen myself as very maternal. I don't even know if I'd ever even held a newborn before my son was born. What to do when a baby cries over and over and can't be consoled? Uh....where's his mother? Oh, that's me. Talking to baby in high pitched baby talk voice? Weird.

Suddenly, I'm living for someone else. I'm not catering to my own whims and wants. It's not about me. It's all about him.

It's not about me. It's all about Him.

Sound familiar to anyone? Yeah. It's what I had been singing about all along, but not living. I had become so complacent, so comfortable with my life. It was reaallllly nice, but it feels even better to give it all up.

God is doing a completely new thing in my heart and my life and the life of my family. I won't go into all the details right now, but the ideas I had about my family and children and raising my children are slowly....okay, pretty quickly....flying out the window. If I was me a year ago, I would think I was crazy, but you know what? I've never felt so much joy.

God is doing a new thing.

And I love it.

(to be continued....)