Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Security and Control

I love tax refund time. I love to plan where each dollar goes. This much in our savings account, this much in our vacation account, this much in Kade's savings account, this much for home repairs, etc. Of course, this is all with Michael's approval, but I like to be in control of designating it. It makes me feel secure knowing we will have what we need when we need it.


At this point in his life, Kade feels secure (I'm just assuming) because I hold him, play with him, and take care of all his needs. I highly doubt he ever worries about where his next meal will come from or how we will pay for him to go to college. When I lived with my parents, I was never concerned about these things either. I knew my parents would provide them. I knew they loved me and would do whatever it took to give me what I needed and most of what I wanted. When we are young, love is security.

The first time I was really independent, financially, was when I got married. Michael worked, too, but I was bringing in my own income. It was plenty, but I knew that if I blew it on too many things I didn't really need, there wouldn't be enough for the things I did need--food, shelter, and utilities. I had to budget and keep track of what we were spending. I had to make sure we were saving. Have I made it clear yet that I like to be in control? Not in control of my husband, just in control of money and how it is spent. At this point in my life, money feels like security. Not having what I consider to be "enough" makes me feel very insecure and unstable about everything.

I was thinking about this today as I was mentally making yet another list of places to save/wisely spend our refund check and worrying whether it would be "enough".

Ok, I know you're waiting for me to make this into a lesson, right?

Wait for it....
Wait for it....

Why can't we keep that security we felt as children? Why can't we, knowing our heavenly Father loves us, wants us to have the best, and owns the cattle on a thousand hills, rest peacefully in that fact? Why can't we relinquish control and trust that we are going to be taken care of by our heavenly Father?

Oh...we can?

Or maybe it's just me.
Yeah, probably.......

DISCLAIMER: This does not mean you should quit your job, blow your entire life savings on a Winnebago, and travel the United States, trusting that God will send you a check each month to cover the expenses. What I mean is that you are free from obsessing over all the things in this life that make you feel secure. Just so you know.

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