Submitting

I've been learning a lot about submitting to God this week. As I've probably mentioned before (and wrote a whole draft for a book about this subject), I like to be in control.  I like to know what's going to happen, when.  I don't like surprises--even good ones.  Ask my husband.  I beg for information about my Christmas and birthday presents for weeks beforehand.  I can't stand for someone to know something that I don't.

So, this whole lesson on submission started on Sunday. I went to the altar to pray and someone I have known for practically my whole life came up and laid her hands on my shoulders. When I stood up, she said, "God wants you to lift your hands and accept the blessing He has for you." I said, "Ok," but I pretty much thought, "Pssht, I will lift my hands when I want to." I walked to my seat, and something inside of me said, "Leah! What is wrong with you? God told you to lift your hands and He would give you a blessing. Why would you not?" So, I lifted them.  There are different ways of raising your hands to God.  You can raise them in praise, thanking Him for simply being God or you can raise them in submission, giving Him control over your life. I raised them in submission.

I'll save what happened after that for a later time, but I've dealt with submission the rest of the week so far. I can't control what's going on in my life. I don't want to live in fear. So, I decided to dive into the Word.  I've kept praise music on constantly.  I've read my devotional.  I've read the Bible.  I've prayed.  I've raised my hands.  What else can I do?  I dislike not knowing the future, but through submitting to God, I can at least have some peace.

Many people don't like the word "submission."  Just quickly looking up a definition, it is listed as, "To yield or surrender oneself to the will or authority of another."  I think, as humans, we immediately think, "I am not letting someone else tell me what to do!" When you love someone though, when you trust someone, and know that they have your best interests at heart (which God does), it's easier to say, "Ok, have Your way in my life. You know best." It's not, "Ok, I'll obey you because you're big and scary and you're going to beat me if I don't do what you say." Submitting is obedience and respect out of deep love that goes both ways.  True love.  Not some warped sense of love and commitment.

We can't control everything.  We can't control a lot of things.  We can trust God to take care of them, though.  And that's what I'm doing.  Hands raised high.  I trust You, God.  Do what You will. 

The impact of LIFE

Today is my birthday. I don't feel any older yet.  As always, it will probably take me at least 6 months to remember that I am now 2__ instead of 2__.  It's been a weekend full of celebrating life!

Birthdays are (duh, I know!) a celebration of the day a person was born. They are so much more than that, though. This morning, my sister came over to bring me my birthday present before she went back to college (she got me more k-cups for my coffee maker and some creamer! My favorite!). She said something to Kade about 'it's kind of like your birthday, because it's mommy's birthday.' I gave her one of those crazy looks, like, 'No, it is not!' Later, I started thinking.

If I hadn't have been born today, Kade wouldn't be here. If my husband hadn't have been born, Kade wouldn't be here.  If my parents hadn't chosen to have me, I wouldn't be here.  If my mom hadn't have been born, I wouldn't be here today. If my dad hadn't have been born, I wouldn't be here today. If I hadn't have been born, I wouldn't have the hope of other children, or grandchildren, or great grandchildren.  Really, it's a celebration of everyone--past, present, and future. Call me deep or call me crazy, but that's the way I see it.

So, thank you to my parents, for always believing God would bring me to them. Thank you to my parents-in-law for your son, who was a surprise blessing. Thank you to all of my grandparents for giving life to my parents. And most of all, thank you to God, who is the giver of life and who has given me another birthday.

It's enough...

Last week, we took our first real family vacation--to Disney world!! We didn't know what to expect, taking a 20 month old, but we had so much fun. One of the best parts was that we got to spend a whole entire week with Daddy! 

 

As we spent the week basking in the warm sun, riding rides, seeing the Mouse himself, and eating good food, I thought about something quite a bit--the number "3".  I've been pretty down this winter and spring about the fact that there are only 3 of us, that we still have only one child. We've talked about having several children. In fact, we want God to bless us with the children He wants us to have. Of course, I have plenty of time to have more children, but at the moment, it's obvious that Kade is it for right now. 

Anyways, I've been mulling over this for the first part of the year, but last week, when I looked over at my son, sleeping soundly in his daddy's arms, it hit me--he's enough. If I never have another child (and I believe that I will, but if I don't) our family of 3 will be enough for me. We told God that it was up to Him, and sometimes, that may mean 1 or 2 children and sometimes, maybe it means 20. Who knows? We may end up being the family with 20 children (haha--kind of). Whatever our family looks like in the future, it will be enough for me. 

In the meantime, I'm enjoying just the 3 of us--and all the adventures we're having.

3 is a pretty good number....

It's pretty fun being a family of three.

More pictures to come....

More, more, more

I'm really a pretty selfish person. Yeah, really, I am. And I'm admitting it.

Oh, don't worry. I'm not a selfish mom. Michael and I make sure Kade has everything he needs and more, including our time and attention.

I just mean I'm a selfish person. I make lists all the time of thing I "need" and "want". You should see them; they're pretty ridiculous. A month or so ago, one of the things on my "need" list was "springy wreath for the front door." Seriously? I need a spring wreath for the front door? At the time I'm making these lists, everything seems urgent. Then, later, either something puts it into perspective for me or I just realize how crazy I'm being.

It's important to me that my house looks nice and neat and pretty, but in 50 years, will it matter if I had a new spring wreath or one of those decorative flags for every season? Will it really matter if I didn't have studio pictures taken of Kade every month or every holiday when we have over a million snapshots of him enjoying everyday life? Will it matter that I didn't mop my floor every other day (don't worry, I keep it swept up) or keep all of the weeds out of my flower garden? I don't think it will. I don't think I would regret any of it.

Now, don't get me wrong. I did buy a spring wreath, because I found one on sale, BUT I didn't need it. I don't need most of the things I put on my lists. What I do need, I have--God, a wonderful family, a home, and food in my cupboards. I hope, that in 50 years, my husband remembers how much I loved him and how much I appreciated his hard work for our family. I hope Kade remembers all the fun we had as a family, how much we enjoyed spending time together, and that he grew up in a family who loved God and each other more than anything. Most material things are going to get donated or thrown in the trash eventually.Our memories (until a certain point I guess. Ha!) will last. The things we teach Kade and our other children, God's Word and His salvation, will last. Hopefully, they will be passed down through generations. All of the things that really matter will last.

Sometimes, I need to be reminded of my selfishness so that I can realize what really matters.

Still here!

Hey all! I'm still here!

I've been doing the mommy thing, taking care of the house, and trying to be a good wife. Oh, and teaching piano lessons and leading praise and worship. Not that I haven't had an opportunity to blog, I just have a hard time focusing. When I sit down, my mind goes in a million different directions. I'm trying to get medication straightened out for a thyroid condition, preparing to go on vacation in a couple of weeks, and trying to get motivated to work out.

I have a lot going on.

Spring is springing here--or it was until a cold front came in this weekend. Kade and I have clocked a lot of outside time and I have seen a glimpse of what life will be like this summer. He will not let me sit down for one second. We must be running, sliding, riding, or walking at all times. Daddy (Kade's daddy, my husband) is tilling our vegetable garden when he gets home from work today, so soon, I'm sure there will be dirt digging, too. We also bought a ginormous wooden swingset that I now realize is far too big for our little, less than 2 year-old boy, so I'm sure we will be spending a lot of time making sure he doesn't try to climb to the top and fall down and break a limb. Whew! I'm worn out just thinking about it!

My husband is changing shifts at his job soon, which is one of the best things ever! Right now, he gets home at bedtime, gobbles dinner, and puts Kade to bed. On his new shift, he will be home at dinnertime. We will have time to play and take walks and do bath time with Kade and mow the yard. A couple hours will make a huge difference.

Anyways, to sum it up, life is good. Yeah, there are tough times, but the blessings outweigh the bad. I'll get back to posting on a regular basis soon, hopefully.

I'll leave you with my favorite new song from the Passion CD--Here for You.

 

"Kade's Mom"

I have a dear friend who sometimes calls me, "Kade's mom", which I enjoy because, let's face it--at this point in my life, that's a huge part of who I am.

I am many other things, including child of God, wife, daughter, and sister, but mommy is near the top of the list.

As a mommy, there are so many decisions I have to make for my son. I have to decide what routines we will create and when it is time to do certain things. I have to advocate for him because he can't yet advocate for himself.

For example, if I had followed all of the advice Kade's (former) pediatrician gave us, we would have been letting him scream and cry himself to sleep at six months and I would have stopped breastfeeding him at four months (since my milk was making him sick and the only solution was to give him "special" formula).

Instead, I chose to follow my instincts as a mother and do my own research. No, we did not always get to sleep through the night. I didn't expect that, though, when I had my son. You see, I'm not a big fan of convenience parenting. To borrow some words from a friend: "You don't stop being a parent in the middle of the night; You're a parent 24 hours a day, even when your child wakes up every hour!" A baby who is left to CIO is angry, afraid, and alone. They don't go sleep because they have learned to "self soothe". Have you ever cried yourself to sleep? There's nothing "soothing" about it. There are a million reasons a baby might be crying at night, and I doubt any of them are evil. :eyeroll:

As for the formula, Kade appeared to have a milk allergy. His pedi wanted me to immediately stop breastfeeding and switch to formula. I did my research and stopped eating/drinking dairy instead. And guess what? It worked. If I had just listened to the doctor, we would have missed out on 8 more wonderful months of breastfeeding.

I don't care how much you trust your doctor or pediatrician. If my pedi told me that Kade had an ear infection or a cold and it needed to be treated, I would say, "Go ahead!" However, I'm not going to take every.single.thing he/she says as law. I am the mom. Kade is counting on me and I will do my best not to let him down.

The question is--why are people fighting their natural instincts as parents just because of something a doctor said they "should" do? (By the way, I'm not talking about actual serious medical problems or even smaller ones like ear infections, colds, etc.).

Let's see--other things....

Oh, potty training. It almost seems to be a competition between people. Let's see who can potty train the earliest. My favorite response lately is that we just switched to cloth diapers and I plan to get plenty of use out of them first. I mean, I understand that not having to change diapers makes things easier, but goodness, you won't have to change their diapers for the next 60 years of their life. Start slow, and do it when your child shows actual interest in the potty. I can't imagine sitting a 12 month Kade on the potty. He would have been completely clueless. That's more trouble to me than changing a diaper.

Food is another one for me. Kade barely got a taste of anything besides fruits and veggies till he was 10 or 11 months old. Now that he's 18 months old (or will be tomorrow), people seem to think he can eat anything and everything. I don't care for him having treats or tastes of different things, but I seriously limit his intake of junk food. Pop is a big no-no and will be for awhile to come.

Then, there's his spiritual health. I know he doesn't understand everything we say, but we talk about Jesus to and around him a lot. We pray with him. We watch and listen to things that edify his spirit. He doesn't have control over the environments he is placed in and the things he sees and hears, but we do. We want him to be around things and people that affirm our belief and faith in God.

Being a mommy is a tough, but rewarding job. At the end of the day, if you feel that you have done the absolute best for your child (and not just for yourself) with your child's well being in mind, then you have done your job as a parent. Just remember that you are your child's mommy, and no one else.