Plans

One of the last things I ever expected in life was to have a baby at 24. Michael and I discussed the topic many times before we got married and we thought 5 years was a good plan. Time to get established in our jobs, make some money, buy a house....then have a baby when I was around 28. Plus, I didn't really like babies. Never had. I figured, though, that eventually I would want one and 5 years gave me some time to get used to the idea.

Fast forward a year and a half. Michael and I were at the drive-in (don't worry; this is not going to be the story of how Kade was conceived) and he looked at me during the movie and said, "I love you" and I just thought I want to have a baby with this man. No, really. That's how it happened. A few days later, we were having a heated discussion about something and I said, "Well, I was going to tell you I wanted to have a baby with you, but nevermind!" He immediately softened and said, "Really?!" See, he didn't want to wait 5 years in the first place, but was going along with me.

Now, when I decide I want something, I become engrossed in getting it. I read the books, made the charts, timed the days, and bing-bang-boom, 4 months later, I was pregnant. I can't imagine my life without Kade and I LOVE being a mommy!

However, sometimes I feel really lonely. I have several childhood friends, but NONE of them is at the same place in life as I am. One is married, one is about to get married, one is going after her dream, but no one is a stay at home mom with a baby. I don't feel like I can call them and say, "Oh, guess what?! Kade wanted to nurse all night last night and I think he's getting a tooth!" (no offense if you read this, guys). I don't really have any girlfriends to go to the movies with or out to dinner. Sometimes, I feel really old.

God has blessed me greatly, though, with a group of mommy friends! They're not exactly my age (thought they're not that much older!), but they are godly women and I can relate to them and I really enjoy being in their presence. They are supportive and encouraging. I look forward to getting together with them! See, God always knows our needs, even when it comes to something as seemingly small as friends. I always joke about it, but Michael and I are even in a parents of young children/couples Sunday School class. I never thought that at 24 years old, I would be in a parents Sunday School class! We are the youngest people in there, but we have so much fun!

I made up the most awesome plans for my life, and most of them are turning out completely differently from what I thought and planned. But, boy, is life good....and God is great!

Fear

On Wednesday night, we started a new Bible study at church based on Max Lucado's new book "Fearless". I love the way it's written. It's not preachy or filled with psychobabble; it's very relatable. We began the discussion by naming our biggest fears.

What are your biggest fears?

Some of my little piddly fears are snakes, spiders, bees, and jellyfish as well as my house catching on fire, being burglarized, kidnapped, raped, etc. (I watch too much Law and Order). These things could quite possibly happen, but most likely will not.

My biggest, deepest fears, however, are much more serious. Financial failure, being alone, being an inadequate mother and wife, and losing family members to death rank among the top of my list of biggest fears. The worst part is that I don't have much, if any, control over these things! I mean, if I wanted to--and I have before--I could go into panic mode and worry about them 24/7.

What kind of a life would that be? Would I be living the kind of life Christ has called me to live?

The study talked about the story in the Bible where the disciples and Jesus are out on the Sea of Galilee on a boat, when a terrible, ferocious storm suddenly comes up. Everyone is panicking and wondering where Jesus is when they find him sleeping peacefully underneath the stern of the ship. "Jesus," they said, "don't you care that we're dying?" (paraphrase) Calmly, Jesus got up, rebuked the storm, and then rebuked the disciples for being so upset. The point is that Jesus, being Jesus, knew that there was going to be a storm. He didn't stay up waiting for it, worrying. He took a nap!

In this life, bad things are going to happen to us. Mostly likely, one or more of those bad things might be on our "biggest fears" list. We can sit around worrying about it or we can sit back and trust that Jesus will step in and take control. He's not worried. Why should you be?

In John 14:27, Jesus says, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid."

I could find many more verses where God commands us not to worry and not to be afraid. Bottom line: "Let not your heart be troubled, neither let them be afraid!"

We are children of the Most High God, protected under His wing, filled with the knowledge that if and when we are through with this life, we will still celebrate with Him!

In the words of Rich Mullins (and Jesus): "In the world, you will have trouble, but I leave you my peace. That were I am, there you may also be."

"I Will Be Here"

Today, I heard this song on the radio while driving home from shopping. You know how different songs make you feel different ways? Maybe a song that was playing on the radio when a boyfriend broke up with you always takes you back to that moment. Maybe you used to listen to a certain song when you were hanging out with your friends and it always reminds you of those good times. Well, this song makes me feel safe. I've always considered it my parents' "song." I remember them always listening to it and singing it to each other when I was growing up. On second thought, I guess it's not particularly the song that make me feel safe but knowing that the lyrics embody my parents' marriage, and that makes me safe.

This is them almost 33 years ago, on their wedding day. Don't they look happy? Young and in love? Ready to start a new life together? I'm sure at this point they had no idea where their lives would take them--that 33 years later they would have 2 daughters, a son-in-law, and a grandson. All they knew is that they loved each other and had made a commitment to stay together "for better or worse". And they have.



Growing up, my parents argued, but I think they would have done me a disfavor not to argue. How unrealistic would that have been? Everyone has disagreements and they always made up, apologized in front of my sister and I, and then prayed together. It was and is obvious that they love each other.



I was never afraid that I'd wake up in the morning and one of my parents would have left us. I was never afraid I'd have to choose which parent to live with or be shuffled back and forth every other weekend. I just knew we were a family, stuck together for life no matter what.



So almost 3 years ago, when I got married, I expected the same thing. I've tried to bring the lessons I learned from my parents' marriage into mine. Pray together, never ever use the "d" word (divorce), and make up quickly. I want Kade to feel the same security from his parents that I felt from mine. I want him to know that daddy and I will always be here for each other and for him. I also know that that level of commitment and security comes only through a continuing relationship with God. He is such a huge part of marriage!

Our lives change and we change, but our love will never change, except to grow!


Thanks mom and dad, for being such a good example of what a godly marriage should be like!

I love you!

Not Me! Monday

"Not Me! Monday" is a fun and cathartic way to admit things you totally didn't do. I've even gotten my sister started doing it. When you've finished reading mine, you can read hers here.

After realizing that Kade seems to be healed of his dairy allergy, I did not make a homemade chocolate pie and eat at least half of said pie between Saturday night and Sunday afternoon. Nope! I have been watching my weight so carefully; I would certainly not put my gorgeous (insert rolling eyes) post-pregancy body in jeopardy.

I also didn't have my hubby make a special trip to the store for Ben & Jerry's ice cream, tell him the line was too long to wait, and then complain that I really wanted ice cream when we got home. I'm much too mature to pout over ice cream.

We did not spend almost 5 minutes discussing the ice cream incident in front of our couples Sunday School class. As leaders of the group discussion, we had many more important things to talk about than my ice cream issues.

When Kade wouldn't go back to sleep very early this morning, I did not just turn over and try to drift back off, leaving my sick husband to deal with him. I am mommy--superhero! Who needs sleep? Not me!

I did not go through the drawers of my guest room this weekend and find of a picture of an old boyfriend...from 12 years ago. I have certainly cleaned out my drawers many times since then and would have surely thrown that picture away. I know I've cleaned it in 12 years.....right?

So, come on! Don't hold it in! What didn't you do this week?

I love him! (Pt2)

The summer before my senior year, when I wasn't babysitting, I was moping on the couch...



Then, my parents agreed to have a sit down with Michael. I'm not sure who talked the most (I'm guessing them), but I remember my mom coming home and looking me in the eyes and saying, You really care about him, don't you? All I could do was nod. We were getting ready to leave on vacation and they said they wanted the week to decide what they were going to do. It was the longest week of my life.



When we got back, they said, Well we told him to call if he's interested in a relationship, so you'll have to wait on him to call. So, he called and we picked up where we left off! We dated all of my senior year, got to go to the prom together, and do all of the things we had missed out on. College time got close, and even though I wasn't going far away, I had several people in my life advising me to free myself before I left so that I could start a whole new life at college. Yeah, I didn't appreciate that advice so much; not that I didn't respect these people's opinions, but I knew what was right for me.



I'll admit right now that I wanted a ring. I wanted one right then and I wanted to get married. I knew we were in a committed relationship, but I wanted the whole kit-and-caboodle--right THEN. Michael will tell you the embarrassing things I said and did to try to get a proposal out of him. I begged, I pleaded, I pouted, I tried to get him to make promises, but as is his nature, he took his own sweet time. He waited till a year before I would graduate from college to propose on Christmas Day. There's not much else to say. We spent a year planning the wedding and got married on December 30, 2006. It was a beautiful wedding and an awesome celebration of love and God. I got a call on our honeymoon (two weeks after graduating from college) about a job and went right to work. God's timing was definitely better than mine would have been.



I have an awesome husband! He is my absolute best friend in the whole world. I fall in love with him more everyday and I wake up every morning knowing that he is my one and only. He works so hard for our family and he never ceases to amaze me. I am blessed to be married to a man of God who wants to serve God and walk in His ways. We really hardly ever argue and just enjoy being together and being with our son. What we have is the love of a lifetime! It wasn't always pretty, but I believe that, though we may not have always followed his will, God had a plan and everything worked out for our good!

I love him!

My husband, that is. Not because of anything in particular he's done recently (not that he's done anything bad, either); I just love him!

I got inspired about reading The Pioneer Woman's blog to blog about my love story, which probably began when I was born and my parents started praying for my future husband. I remember waking up early on Saturday morning, when I was younger, and hearing the low murmurs of my parents' voices from the living room. I would creep through the hallway and hear them praying. Sometimes, I would stand there and listen for a few minutes and sometimes, I would come in and lay in my mom's lap while they would continue to pray. Nevertheless, I remember that they always prayed for mine and my sister's future husbands, whoever they would be.

Fastforward 15 years.

Some of my friends had boyfriends all the way from kindergarten to high school. Me, not so much. At the time, I always figured that I was just unattractive and nerdy. Maybe I was. I think, now, though, that maybe God was just preparing me for that one right person. Ok, confession time: my husband was not the first person I kissed. Actually, he was the second (ok, laugh it up!). He was and is my first true love, though (no matter what I may have thought about anyone else).

He is two years older than me and we went to the same primary, middle, and high school, but I never really knew him until high school. I mean, I didn't really know him, then, but I knew who he was. He was friends with my friends, but not with me--if that makes any sense. When I was in 10th grade, we ended up in chorus class together. He is not a terrible singer (and honey, don't take this the wrong way) but he was not there because of his voice. If anyone has ever taken a high school chorus class, you know that usually there are many girls and several less guys. That being said, he actually had a girlfriend who was in chorus class, too.

For most of high school, I was one of the shyest people I have ever met. I especially didn't want anyone to hear me sing. He would always lean forward and try to hear me. "Sing louder; I can't hear you," he'd tease. Oh, he was so aggravating! Sometimes, we would chat on the internet after school or at night. Usually, it was just a "Hey" "What are you doing?" "Nothing, you?" "Just sitting here" conversation. Sometimes, he called me "kid", which I found really condescending.

In January, out of the blue, he asked me to go to his senior prom (he and his girlfriend had broken up) "just as friends." I agreed only because my best friend at the time, who was dating a junior, begged me to go and keep her company. Michael and I starting getting together to get to know each other and evetually, "just friends" ended up dating. What ensued could only be described as drama. Since I'll never be 100% sure of everything that happened, that's all I'll say. Drama, drama, drama which eventually turned into me not only being forbidden to go to the prom, but not being allowed to date him.

My tender 15 year-old heart was broken, and the only way I could see to keep it together was to hold on to the relationship. No, it was not "on the up-and-up." It was not the honest thing to do, not the mature thing to do, and definitely not the godly thing to do, but....I did. It was what it was, and God evetually brought it to light. I'm sure I disappointed my parents, and I know that they continued to spend hours praying dor me. It was a dark time in my life. I couldn't imagine my life without Michael, but things were not working out. The summer before my senior year, when I wasn't babysitting, I spent a lot of time moping on the couch....

(TO BE CONTINUED)

Morning blogging....

I think about blogging a lot--When I wake up early and have several minutes to myself. When Kade takes a nap. When he's nursing. After he goes to bed--but I rarely do it.

He has decided to be lazy and sleep in this morning, so I grabbed a cup of coffee and decided to blog in my free time, even though I don't have anything very interesting to blog about.

This week has been wonderful for me (not as good for my weight or health) because I think Kade has gotten over been healed of his dairy allergy. In January, the pediatrician diagnosed him with a milk protein allergy and told me if I wanted to continue breastfeeding, I needed to cut all dairy from my diet. I did, though not without whining at times, and the symptoms he was having disappeared. A couple of weeks ago, I decided to be bad mommy and had a little bit of ranch dressing on a salad. Next day, a couple bites of a chocolate cake I had made. Over the next several days, I had a little bit of this and that dairy and nothing happened. Last Saturday, I really did it. I made a homemade chocolate pie and Michael and I ate the whole thing between Saturday and Sunday. Kade hasn't had any symptoms whatsoever! I was simply amazed and then I said to Michael, "Well, we did pray for him to be healed, so....."

So, this week (and it's only Wednesday!) I have indulged. First, the chocolate pie, then some peanut butter chocolate chip oatmeal cookies I made for our mommy's group yesterday, coffee with creamer, a couple bites of ice cream. Luckily, it hasn't affected my weight much, yet, but I'm going to have to slow down. The no dairy diet, though terrible, allowed me to lose all my pregnancy weight, plus some. If you're looking for a diet, it's definitely the way to go--and healthy (if you don't eat as many Oreos as I did).

I ordered myself an early birthday present last night (my birthay is in a month). After going back and forth about it, I decided to get a Keurig coffee maker, mostly because I found an awesome deal on one on ebay. When I say awesome deal, I mean $100 less than retail. I'm all about good deals, especially since staying at home. Plus, I am terrible at making coffee. I'm so terrible that I ask my poor husband to make it for me when he gets up to go to work. It seems so simple. Two tablespoons of coffee per 6 oz. cup of water. I just can't do it, though. What I like about the Keurig (from what I've seen) is that you just stick the little K cup in the machine and it does everything else. Plus, they come in all kinds of flavors and varieties and you can also get tea and hot chocolate (Sorry, I'm getting carried away. By the way, this is a personal review, for which I am not being paid or reimbursed by Keurig).

So, like I said, not much interesting to say today, but at least I blogged and exercised my writing skills. Looks like a beautiful day, here. Can't wait to get out and enjoy it!

Blesssings,

Leah